If I Wake up as an Ice Cube

Missouri weather is an inconsiderate ass. Spring skips Summer and goes straight to hotter than hell, Summer fast-forwards through Fall and goes right into sub-zero temperatures, Fall turns into Antarctica, and Winter turns into a hot Honolulu day.

Right now, I’m sitting in my apartment, drinking a cold glass of water, and noting that it actually feels like I’m drinking a cup of hot chocolate because it’s SO COLD IN HERE.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the cold weather, but it’d be nice to get a bit acclimated before we jumped right in. Go on a couple dates first, you know?

A traveler’s list for Missouri Fall weather:

Mittens

Down jacket

Snow boots

Toe socks

Rainboots

Bootay shorts

Light jacket

Flip-flops

Ski mask

Tank top

There is no way to prepare.