January 30, 2013

Just Say "No" to Girl Scouts

How many boxes of Girl Scout cookies have you bought this year? I’m already up to three. And they haven’t even started selling their leftover boxes yet. I stupidly ordered two boxes from one Girl Scout, and when another one came around the office—well, I couldn’t just say “no,” right? I haven’t been on the receiving end of the GS sales pitch yet, and I have to say . . . IT’S SO MUCH PRESSURE! If every single one of my coworkers brought in their daughters, I would buy 32 boxes of cookies, if not more.

I used to be a Girl Scout, so I totally understand the pain of not wanting to talk to strangers, much less sell them a beard of crumbs. And so when they wander around with their shy eyes and ugly uniforms, my wallet practically falls out of my purse. They don’t even need to ask me if I want cookies. They don’t even need to make eye contact! All they have to do is come within fifteen feet and I’m buying another box of Caramel Delights (or Samoas, if you’re from St. Louis).

Girl Scout: [Around the corner]

Me: [Sniffing the air] Oh god, not again.

Girl Scout: [Turns corner]

Me: [Covering eyes] Damn you, tiny cookie troll! Haven’t you made me fat enough already!?

Girl Scout: You’re not fat . . .

Me: [Stink eye]

Girl Scout: I like your hair.

Me: Give me two boxes of Shortbread.

Girl Scout: [Under her breath] Sucker.

Me: What was that?

Girl Scout: What about a box of our new mango cookies?

Me: [Stink eye] Mango cookies?

Girl Scout: I think you’re cool.

Me: I’ll take three boxes of those mango cookies too.

Does anyone else feel my pain? How do they get away with swindling us every single year?
p.s. I would never actually buy a box of mango cookies. What the hell is that about?  

January 28, 2013

What to do in the winter?

After the first year or so of living in Springfield for college, I started to stick up for this city. It has a lot going for it. Namely, great food. But other things too! There’s the Nature Center, the Japanese Stroll Garden, lots of parks, a mall, movie theaters (including a great independent theater), a bar scene, an ice skating rink, and as we all know—lots of squirrel-watching opportunities. Am I missing anything?

As the weather starts to get colder, I’m feeling cooped up (I hope you took advantage of the beautiful weather today!). It’s usually too nasty outside to warrant a hike at the Nature Center, and the squirrels are all hiding in their nests. By the way, if you didn’t know that squirrels live in nests, you need to check it out. It’s totally adorable.

My fellow Springfieldians, what do you do for fun during the winter months? Do you succumb to staying inside, or is there a wintertime Springfield gem that I’m missing? I tried eating brownies to make the boredom go away, but I’ve now exhausted my supply of cocoa.

What are your favorite spots in this city?

January 24, 2013

Cars and Tongues Don't Mix

We all know that drinking and driving isn’t a good idea. And many of us have had close calls with someone who was texting/talking on their phone. But apparently there’s a new bad driving habit infecting Springfield.

People suddenly think they can simultaneously fight eastbound Battlefield traffic and suck face with their significant other. I’m not kidding. I was driving behind a guy that had his tongue in his girlfriend’s mouth for about ten minutes straight.

How is this even possible!?

He was swerving, braking quickly, and enjoying his saliva swap. Is this something people do and I just haven’t realized it until now? Can’t it wait until you’re PARKED somewhere?

I was tempted to honk, but when I realized we were both driving to the mall, I decided it best to not draw attention to myself. Lucky, because I later saw the couple eyeing some Dr. Scholl’s in JCP.

Instead, I made this face at them, hoping one of them would eventually look in the rearview mirror and realize that they were being horribly inconsiderate. It didn't work.

What’s the strangest driving habit you’ve ever seen? 

January 22, 2013

Here's How Redbox Works

Some people don’t understand how Redbox works. If you’re one of those people I’m about to break it down for you. I promise it isn’t hard.

You use Redbox when:
  • You want to watch a movie
  • You don’t really want to watch a movie, but you have a Redbox promo code
  • You don’t have Netflix
  • You’ve exhausted Hulu
  • You’re bored, possibly lonely, and wondering if a rom-com is the solution to all your problems (it never is)

Redbox etiquette:
  • Have some idea of what movie you’re going to rent (you can check out the website before you go)
  • Use clean hands
  • Most importantly, know how to use a Redbox (there are directions conveniently provided for you on the screen)

  • Call someone and argue with them about which movie the two of you will both like
  • Sneeze into your hands and continue touching the screen
  • Spend twenty minutes browsing rentals
  • Let your kids play with the "cool machine"
  • Browse for five minutes and then walk away without a movie

Did that help? Good. Now, don’t let me catch you reading the synopses of every single movie with the word “love” in it while you eat pistachios out of your purse. I'm looking at you, patrons of Kum & Go. 

January 19, 2013

Blubbering at Bambi

I never used to cry at movies. Really. Five-year-old Cecily would watch Bambi on repeat and never shed a tear. It was something I prided myself on. “Yeah, I’m the tough chick who won’t sob when Simon Birch dies saving all those little children.” Sorry for the spoiler.

No more. Now it seems like my emotions are catching up to me tenfold. End of Game of Thrones: Season One? Check. Gossip Girl series finale? Shamefully, check. Les Misérables? Of course. And my most recent sob installment—The Walking Dead: Season Two. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure The Walking Dead is supposed to be suspenseful, not sad.

What is happening to me? Unlike the Grinch, I’m not fond of this new heart of mine.

Top 10 movies that make me cry (in no particular order):

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2. Edward Scissorhands
3. The Green Mile
4. I Am Sam
5. Cast Away
6. Closer
7. Awakenings
8. A Little Princess
9. The Fox and the Hound
10. Black Beauty

The solution is just to subject myself to more sad movies, right? Harden my heart? Give me some suggestions. What are your favorite tearjerkers?