October 6, 2012

Bad TV is Good for You

I think everyone deserves some time to shut off their brains and bask in the glow of . . . bad television. Admittedly, I don’t actually think my guilty pleasure picks are bad TV. But, I’ve been told otherwise. I say if you like it, watch it. As long as it’s not Toddler and Tiaras. You can still learn a lot from cartoons, teen dramas, and reality shows about housewives that drink too much. You can probably learn a lot from Spanish soap operas too. I should look into that.

Here’s what I’ve learned from a few of my so-called “bad” TV favorites. You should know that I’ve watched shows much, much worse than this (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys), but these are just a few of my most recent guilty pleasures.

Gossip Girl: There are two kinds of people who live in Manhattan: beautiful people and people who look like raccoons. It’s probably not a good idea to sleep with your teacher. French princes are evil and surprisingly not all that good-looking. If anyone asks you who you are, it’s best to just answer: “I’m Chuck Bass.”

The Real Housewives of New York/New Jersey/Beverly Hills (yes, I’ve watched all three): Don’t ever, EVER drink as much as these people. Plastic surgery? Not ever a good idea—unless you want to look like you’re breathing out of a straw. Money turns people in gossipy, vapid, tiny dog-loving people.

My Little Pony: Unicorns, pegasi, dragons, and magic are all real. People like it when you say “everypony” instead of “everybody” in everyday conversation. If your friend’s eyelid is twitching, it’s a good sign you’re about to trip over something. Ponies can have accents too.

Who knows what kind of terrible mistakes I would’ve made if I hadn’t watched all this bad TV? What have you learned from guilty pleasures? Can anyone beat my bad TV list?

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