I'm Not Good at Being Gollum

I have a confession to make. I do not play video games. Do not, have not, and will not. I didn’t have a gaming console growing up, and whenever friends asked me to play with them I would just get frustrated within the first fifteen minutes. It usually ended with me throwing the remote down and reading a book by myself while my friends played Mario Party.

I’m just no good at them. It doesn’t matter what kind of game it is. I’ve raced go-karts, blown up balloons, trained horses, and killed shadows. All unsuccessfully.

Here’s a little excerpt from my latest encounter with gaming:

Me: Which screen am I?

Boyfriend: The one on the right.

Me: Ugh! I don’t want to play as Legolas. I want to be Gollum.

Boyfriend: Okay, press blahblahblah (that’s a button, right?).

Me: I did it! Look at Gollum run! Run, boy, run! Find your precious!

Boyfriend: Would you mind helping me kill this troll?

Me: [Smashing flowers] I’m busy.

Boyfriend: Just follow me around and make sure orcs don’t attack me.

Me: I can do that.

Boyfriend: What are you doing?

Me: The camera angle switched. I have no idea where I am.

Boyfriend: Well just come find me.

Me: Where ARE you!?

Boyfriend: I’m right over here! I’ll come find you.

Me: I don’t know where I am! Things keep shooting at me!

Boyfriend: I’m coming to get you.

Me: There I am! You found me! I was . . .

Boyfriend: Walking into a wall.

Me: Yeah. I was walking into a wall.

Boyfriend: Repeatedly.

Me: I’m going to go smash some more flowers.

I don’t have the gaming gene. Is there anything easier than Lego Lord of the Rings out there? Recommendations?