How many boxes of Girl Scout cookies have you bought this year? I’m already up to three. And they haven’t even started selling their leftover boxes yet. I stupidly ordered two boxes from one Girl Scout, and when another one came around the office—well, I couldn’t just say “no,” right? I haven’t been on the receiving end of the GS sales pitch yet, and I have to say . . . IT’S SO MUCH PRESSURE! If every single one of my coworkers brought in their daughters, I would buy 32 boxes of cookies, if not more.
I used to be a Girl Scout, so I totally understand the pain of not wanting to talk to strangers, much less sell them a beard of crumbs. And so when they wander around with their shy eyes and ugly uniforms, my wallet practically falls out of my purse. They don’t even need to ask me if I want cookies. They don’t even need to make eye contact! All they have to do is come within fifteen feet and I’m buying another box of Caramel Delights (or Samoas, if you’re from St. Louis).
Girl Scout: [Around the corner]
Me: [Sniffing the air] Oh god, not again.
Girl Scout: [Turns corner]
Me: [Covering eyes] Damn you, tiny cookie troll! Haven’t you made me fat enough already!?
Girl Scout: You’re not fat . . .
Me: [Stink eye]
Girl Scout: I like your hair.
Me: Give me two boxes of Shortbread.
Girl Scout: [Under her breath] Sucker.
Me: What was that?
Girl Scout: What about a box of our new mango cookies?
Me: [Stink eye] Mango cookies?
Girl Scout: I think you’re cool.
Me: I’ll take three boxes of those mango cookies too.
Does anyone else feel my pain? How do they get away with swindling us every single year?
p.s. I would never actually buy a box of mango cookies. What the hell is that about?