I have a confession to make. I do not play video games. Do not, have not, and will not. I didn’t have a gaming console growing up, and whenever friends asked me to play with them I would just get frustrated within the first fifteen minutes. It usually ended with me throwing the remote down and reading a book by myself while my friends played Mario Party.
I’m just no good at them. It doesn’t matter what kind of game it is. I’ve raced go-karts, blown up balloons, trained horses, and killed shadows. All unsuccessfully.
Here’s a little excerpt from my latest encounter with gaming:
Me: Which screen am I?
Boyfriend: The one on the right.
Me: Ugh! I don’t want to play as Legolas. I want to be Gollum.
Boyfriend: Okay, press blahblahblah (that’s a button, right?).
Me: I did it! Look at Gollum run! Run, boy, run! Find your precious!
Boyfriend: Would you mind helping me kill this troll?
Me: [Smashing flowers] I’m busy.
Boyfriend: Just follow me around and make sure orcs don’t attack me.
Me: I can do that.
Boyfriend: What are you doing?
Me: The camera angle switched. I have no idea where I am.
Boyfriend: Well just come find me.
Me: Where ARE you!?
Boyfriend: I’m right over here! I’ll come find you.
Me: I don’t know where I am! Things keep shooting at me!
Boyfriend: I’m coming to get you.
Me: There I am! You found me! I was . . .
Boyfriend: Walking into a wall.
Me: Yeah. I was walking into a wall.
Me: I’m going to go smash some more flowers.
I don’t have the gaming gene. Is there anything easier than Lego Lord of the Rings out there? Recommendations?