What Pinterest Doesn't Tell You About Crafting

You know what I wish I liked more than I do? Crafting. It's artistic, fun, rewarding, and supposedly "relaxing." It’s also the perfect way to win a Halloween decorating contest that’ll knock $100 off your rent. And with Pinterest it’s easier than ever to get excited about crafts. You know what the problem is with crafting? Your project never turns out as good as the person who posted it. Case in point:

Here’s what Pinterest doesn’t tell you about your exciting craft endeavors:

1. You're about to spend way too much money on things like paper, glue, and googly eyes.

2. You're probably going to end up burning yourself. Or losing a finger.

3. It's going to take approximately fifteen times longer than the time you'd invested in your mind.

4. You're going to be so ashamed of how it turned out that you're not even going to want to display it.

5. Your dog might eat it. And then he'll die.

6. You're going to cry halfway through, decide to keep going, and cry again when it's over.

7. No matter what you're doing, your back is going to hurt at the end of it.

8. If you do display your atrocity, everyone will be too afraid to comment on it.

Stick to macaroni art, kids. Let's save some money and pride. 

If You Can't Get the Drawer Open, You're Not Doing it Right

You really do learn something new every day. But sometimes I’m reminded that you only learn something new every day simply because you weren’t smart enough to learn it way earlier.

Kitchen drawers. I thought I knew how to use them. And on my 23^rd birthday, I realized I didn’t. I’ve struggled to open my kitchen drawers ever since I moved into my apartment. I thought they were just really sticky. I have, in fact, broken several nails trying to pry them open. But on my 23^rd birthday as I was rummaging around for scissors, my boyfriend watched me fight the drawer, and then easily opened it from underneath.

Me: What the hell? How did you just do that?

Him: I used the handle.

Me: Handle? What handle? WHAT HANDLE!?

Him: The notch underneath the drawer.

Me: [Feels around for the notch, then easily slides the drawer open.] Oh my god. Do they all do this?

Him: Uhh, yeah. Wait. How have you been opening the drawers?

Me: [Pulls, groans, and yanks at the top corners of the drawer until it jerks open]

Him: [Jaw hanging open]

Me: [Pulls open every single drawer to make sure she can do it.] OH MY GOD. THEY ALL DO THIS!

My advice: Take time to observe and learn before it comes back to embarrass you.

p.s. Can you guess from the picture below what I decided to be for Halloween? I’m so stinkin’ excited. 

One Year Closer to Death

Tomorrow is my 23^rd birthday. So instead of moping around my apartment, eating a Midnight Milky Way and checking my roots for traces of silver, I thought I’d reflect on all the things I’ve done in my 22^nd year of life. Nothing jogs the memory like social media, right? So I’m going to have a look back at my last year of social networking and judge how great year 22 was by how many retweets I got (But not really. That’s pathetic.).

Facebook tells me:

• I had an awesome internship that threw me a sweet 22^nd birthday party with their whiteboard covered in “22 Things We Know About Beta.”
• I nearly killed myself working on the NSAC Nissan account, and loved it.  
• I got pissed at the Commons for repeatedly putting meat in my vegetarian stir-fry.
• My roommate and I had our drinks paid for by the only French men in Springfield.
• I saw my little sister graduate from high school, and I graduated from college.
• I got a job with an incredible company, doing something I love.

Twitter tells me:

• I was stoked about a $30 paycheck on my 22^nd birthday.
• I chatted with an old man on the phone, even though he had the wrong number.
• I learned way more about Millennials and Nissans than I ever wanted to know.
• I threw a fit (and rightly so) when Bradley Cooper was named “sexiest man alive.”
• I became obsessed with American Horror Story.
• I started a short-lived vlog. It was weird. 
• I saw Incubus live for the second time. Which means I also saw Brandon Boyd half-naked for the second time.

Goodreads tells me:

• I read (and loved) Le Petit Prince.
• I finally gave into (and loved) The Hunger Games.
• I read (and loved) lots of awesome books.
• Surprise, surprise. I really like reading.

Pinterest tells me:

• My sense of humor is usually cat-related.
• I (laughably) think I’m going to be able to afford a loft in New York someday.
• I have a passion for what I do.
• If I could, I would only wear black, white, and stripes.
• I should probably be obese.

That sums it up. 22 was the best. I’m gonna go eat a Milky Way now.