One Year Closer to Death

Tomorrow is my 23^rd birthday. So instead of moping around my apartment, eating a Midnight Milky Way and checking my roots for traces of silver, I thought I’d reflect on all the things I’ve done in my 22^nd year of life. Nothing jogs the memory like social media, right? So I’m going to have a look back at my last year of social networking and judge how great year 22 was by how many retweets I got (But not really. That’s pathetic.).

Facebook tells me:

• I had an awesome internship that threw me a sweet 22^nd birthday party with their whiteboard covered in “22 Things We Know About Beta.”
• I nearly killed myself working on the NSAC Nissan account, and loved it.  
• I got pissed at the Commons for repeatedly putting meat in my vegetarian stir-fry.
• My roommate and I had our drinks paid for by the only French men in Springfield.
• I saw my little sister graduate from high school, and I graduated from college.
• I got a job with an incredible company, doing something I love.

Twitter tells me:

• I was stoked about a $30 paycheck on my 22^nd birthday.
• I chatted with an old man on the phone, even though he had the wrong number.
• I learned way more about Millennials and Nissans than I ever wanted to know.
• I threw a fit (and rightly so) when Bradley Cooper was named “sexiest man alive.”
• I became obsessed with American Horror Story.
• I started a short-lived vlog. It was weird. 
• I saw Incubus live for the second time. Which means I also saw Brandon Boyd half-naked for the second time.

Goodreads tells me:

• I read (and loved) Le Petit Prince.
• I finally gave into (and loved) The Hunger Games.
• I read (and loved) lots of awesome books.
• Surprise, surprise. I really like reading.

Pinterest tells me:

• My sense of humor is usually cat-related.
• I (laughably) think I’m going to be able to afford a loft in New York someday.
• I have a passion for what I do.
• If I could, I would only wear black, white, and stripes.
• I should probably be obese.

That sums it up. 22 was the best. I’m gonna go eat a Milky Way now.

Whoa There, Corn

One of the great things about being an introvert is that I spend most of my time inside my own head. I like I up there. It’s a nice 72 degrees, sunny with some cloud coverage, and there are lots of colorful houses and cute animals. The downside about spending so much time inside your own head, as any introvert can tell you, is that you tend to imagine scenarios at a rapid pace. Which means things gets out of control fast.

Many times, this makes for incredibly awkward social situations.

Sequence of events:

1. Person brings corn salad to party.

2. I have an internal dialogue with myself about all the reasons corn is an inferior vegetable.

3. People eat corn salad and seem to like it.

4. I think about how, actually, it's unfair to call corn an "inferior" vegetable, since it's so efficiently digested.

5. Someone walks very quickly in the direction of the bathroom. "That corn is moving really fast!"

6. I immediately come to the conclusion that this person is about to relieve their bowels in the bathroom. "HA! Bathroom time, is it?"

7. Horrified face from person.

8. I realize they were remarking on the popularity of the corn salad, not the fact that the corn was physically moving through them at a fast pace. 

You should probably know that numbers 7 and 8 didn't happen, only because I couldn't spit out my awkwardness faster than this guy was walking. But give it time, people. My imagination is going to catch up to me.