September 27, 2012

The Fourth Flush

So, there’s this thing on the market. It’s called a low-flow toilet. If you can’t figure out what it is from the name, it’s basically a toilet that uses less water, and is, therefore, better for the environment. They’ve been around for a while now, and they’ve gotten significantly better since the 90s. But every once in a while, you still run into one that just . . . sucks.

Let me paint a picture for you.

[Flushes toilet]

Toilet: Fffff—

[Looks at toilet, puzzled]

Me: Really? You couldn’t even suck down a few meager squares of the cheap stuff?

Toilet: Nope.

[Decides to flush again, because nobody likes a mushy toilet paper greeting]

Toilet: Okay, fine. Ffff—

[Checks one last time]

Me: You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

Toilet: Nope, I’m not. I sucked down your toilet paper and spit up just a few disintegrated morsels. 

[Walks out of stall, refusing to waste more water]

Toilet: Ffff—

Me: A FOURTH FLUSH!? What are the people outside this door going to think!?

Toilet: I do what I want.

[Walks outside]

Everyone: Geez, Cecily. Four flushes?

You’ve got good intentions, low-flow. But if you really need to flush four times, you’re not doing your job. Anyone not had this experience?


Ahem. Someone pointed out to me today that there are actually only three flushes in this post. This is why I'm not an accountant. I'm leaving the title. I like the alliteration. 

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