December 10, 2012

The Poor Girl's Gift Guide to the Holidays

If you haven’t finished your holiday shopping yet, GO NOW. Seriously. The mall is getting worse and worse. Better yet, just skip the mall and save some money. Make something. Write something. Bake something for your loved ones.  I always say I’m going to do this, but consumerism gets the best of me every year. Yeah, I’d scarf down a boxful of cookies, but I’d still rather have those Rocket Dog shoes.

So do as I say and not as I do. Keep the extra dough and get inventive. No one really deserves presents at Christmastime. You’re doing them a favor by just using up oxygen to wish them “Happy Holidays.” Let’s brainstorm for a minute.

The Poor Girl’s Gift Guide to the Holidays:

Siblings: The pair of socks you keep meaning to throw away

Significant Others: Your old toothbrush (they shouldn’t mind the spit)

Parents: A phone call (but only on weekends and nights when the minutes are free)

Grandparents: An email with some kind of attachment (preferably not a nude photo)

Best friend: A friendship bracelet made out of the hairs you found at the bottom of the shower

Pets: Whatever scrap of food has been clogging the garbage disposal

Boom. I just saved you a last-minute shopping crisis and some extra cash. Happy Holidays, people. 

Sorry that was mildly disgusting. 

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