Having kids has never really appealed to me. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to give up impromptu movie marathons, traveling, or late-night reading. Or sleep. Yeah, I’d like to maintain a healthy relationship with sleep. But it’s been brought to my attention that there are three perfectly legitimate reasons to procreate.
1. Candy: Unfortunately, you can’t get away with trick-or-treating after a certain age. If I had kids, I’d convince them that the Great Pumpkin gobbles up children who don’t share with their parents.
2. Toys: For some reason, when toys show up on my Christmas wish list, my grandmother thinks I’m joking. Anything with a choking hazard, like, say, a Monster High Doll, would be MINE. It’s called being a responsible mom.
3. Playgrounds: Having a kid at a playground is marginally more acceptable than fighting over a swing with someone else’s five-year-old.
It’d be totally worth all the diaper changes and temper tantrums, right?