Is it a boy, girl, or iPhone?

I have pretty exciting news. Last weekend, I got my very first iPhone! And not only is this my first iPhone—it’s the third phone I’ve ever owned, it’s my first touch-screen phone, and it’s also my first “smartphone.” Technically, my Blackberry was a smartphone, but . . . I didn’t have a data plan. And a smartphone without email or internet access is just a dumbphone.

It’s strange—people congratulate you when you get an iPhone. It’s how you know everyone was talking about your Blackberry behind your back. Suddenly, you grab your iPhone to check the weather and it’s like you just gave birth.

Friend: Whoa! When did you get that!? It’s so beautiful! Can I hold it?

You: Uhh, sure.

Friend: You’re going to be a great mother.

You: What?

The guy at the phone store made fun of my five-year-old Blackberry. Poor girl. She may not have been the chicest thing around, but we had some good times.

I wrote an entire short film about my Blackberry a few months after I first got it. And then I shared it with my entire twelfth grade English class. Has my iPhone ever taken an embarrassing photo of my sister? Not yet. Has its distorted ringtone humiliated me in the middle of Barnes & Noble? Nope. Has it (very conveniently) shut itself off in the middle of a conversation with someone I didn’t want to be talking to? It certainly has not!

Of course, I’m ecstatic about my new phone, but I’ll miss my janky little BBerry. What kind of phone do you have? Do you ever reminisce about memories of your old phones?

p.s. I'm pretty excited about Instagram. You can follow me @karinosa3.

Eavesdropping: Usually Not Worth the Effort

Have you ever noticed that the conversations you try to listen in on end up being the most boring conversations you’ve ever heard? Strangers always have more interesting things to talk about than anyone you know.

Conversation between two people you know:

Kyle: And then I did the dishes.

Jen: Did you empty the dishwasher afterward?

Kyle: Yeah, I did.

Jen: Cool. That was responsible of you.

Conversation between two strangers:

Stranger 1: Actually, Humpback Whales use bubble nets to catch their prey.

Stranger 2: Bubble whats-its?

Stranger 1: Yeah, a group of them will swim upward together to create a barrier of bubbles, so their prey can’t escape.

Stranger 2: Huh.

You: THAT IS SO COOL!

Strangers: [Blank stares]

You: About the whales . . .

Conversation between two people you know:

Ron: You have something green on your chin.

Drew: Oh. Where?

Ron: There.

Drew: Oh. Broccoli from lunch.

Ron: Gross, dude.

Conversation between two strangers:

Stranger 1: Did you hear about Mr. Grinshlap?

Stranger 2: Mmhmm. I heard they found the body.

Stranger 1: No, well. Kind of.

Stranger 2: What do you mean, “kind of?”

Stranger 1: They found it. In pieces.

You: [Staring slack-jawed]

Stranger 2: I bet she did it.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever overheard?

Just Say "No" to Girl Scouts

How many boxes of Girl Scout cookies have you bought this year? I’m already up to three. And they haven’t even started selling their leftover boxes yet. I stupidly ordered two boxes from one Girl Scout, and when another one came around the office—well, I couldn’t just say “no,” right? I haven’t been on the receiving end of the GS sales pitch yet, and I have to say . . . IT’S SO MUCH PRESSURE! If every single one of my coworkers brought in their daughters, I would buy 32 boxes of cookies, if not more.

I used to be a Girl Scout, so I totally understand the pain of not wanting to talk to strangers, much less sell them a beard of crumbs. And so when they wander around with their shy eyes and ugly uniforms, my wallet practically falls out of my purse. They don’t even need to ask me if I want cookies. They don’t even need to make eye contact! All they have to do is come within fifteen feet and I’m buying another box of Caramel Delights (or Samoas, if you’re from St. Louis).

Girl Scout: [Around the corner]

Me: [Sniffing the air] Oh god, not again.

Girl Scout: [Turns corner]

Me: [Covering eyes] Damn you, tiny cookie troll! Haven’t you made me fat enough already!?

Girl Scout: You’re not fat . . .

Me: [Stink eye]

Girl Scout: I like your hair.

Me: Give me two boxes of Shortbread.

Girl Scout: [Under her breath] Sucker.

Me: What was that?

Girl Scout: What about a box of our new mango cookies?

Me: [Stink eye] Mango cookies?

Girl Scout: I think you’re cool.

Me: I’ll take three boxes of those mango cookies too.

Does anyone else feel my pain? How do they get away with swindling us every single year?

p.s. I would never actually buy a box of mango cookies. What the hell is that about?  

What to do in the winter?

After the first year or so of living in Springfield for college, I started to stick up for this city. It has a lot going for it. Namely, great food. But other things too! There’s the Nature Center, the Japanese Stroll Garden, lots of parks, a mall, movie theaters (including a great independent theater), a bar scene, an ice skating rink, and as we all know—lots of squirrel-watching opportunities. Am I missing anything?

As the weather starts to get colder, I’m feeling cooped up (I hope you took advantage of the beautiful weather today!). It’s usually too nasty outside to warrant a hike at the Nature Center, and the squirrels are all hiding in their nests. By the way, if you didn’t know that squirrels live in nests, you need to check it out. It’s totally adorable.

My fellow Springfieldians, what do you do for fun during the winter months? Do you succumb to staying inside, or is there a wintertime Springfield gem that I’m missing? I tried eating brownies to make the boredom go away, but I’ve now exhausted my supply of cocoa.

What are your favorite spots in this city?

Cars and Tongues Don't Mix

We all know that drinking and driving isn’t a good idea. And many of us have had close calls with someone who was texting/talking on their phone. But apparently there’s a new bad driving habit infecting Springfield.

People suddenly think they can simultaneously fight eastbound Battlefield traffic and suck face with their significant other. I’m not kidding. I was driving behind a guy that had his tongue in his girlfriend’s mouth for about ten minutes straight.

How is this even possible!?

He was swerving, braking quickly, and enjoying his saliva swap. Is this something people do and I just haven’t realized it until now? Can’t it wait until you’re PARKED somewhere?

I was tempted to honk, but when I realized we were both driving to the mall, I decided it best to not draw attention to myself. Lucky, because I later saw the couple eyeing some Dr. Scholl’s in JCP.

Instead, I made this face at them, hoping one of them would eventually look in the rearview mirror and realize that they were being horribly inconsiderate. It didn't work.

What’s the strangest driving habit you’ve ever seen?