Real, Live(?) Ghosts

I apologize for not posting lately. I had a weekend date with some ghosts.

Let me preface this--I'm a skeptic. Hard to believe, right? The girl who starts planning her Halloween costume months in advance doesn’t believe in ghosts? Nope. But this certainly makes it easier for me to get excited about scary movies and ghost stories.

For our 3-year anniversary, my boyfriend and I decided to take a trip to Eureka Springs, Arkansas and stay at The Crescent Hotel—the 10^th most haunted spot in the United States. Nothing says romance like pregnant women falling from balconies and cancer patients being “treated” with carbolic acid.

You know what this non-believer did after the ghost tour ended the first night? She FREAKED OUT. This imagination is going to be the death of me. Sitting in the dark, all I could think about was the child that was watching me at the end of my bed or the perverted construction worker who would probably (definitely) watch me shower in the morning.

I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d actually experienced something paranormal. It probably would’ve gone something like this:

Me: [Sees little girl standing at the end of the bed] . . .

Little girl: [Stares at me through two dark holes in her skull]

Me: [Stares back] mmmm [starts to whimper] AAAHHHHGLLLAAADAAAACCKMAA!

[Runs screaming from room and wakes up everyone in the hotel, including ghosts]

Boyfriend: [Chases me] What are you doing!?

Me: AAAHHHHGLLLAAADAAAACCKMAA!

Boyfriend: [Throws a blanket over me to avoid scratches, then scoop me up and carries me back] What was that about?

Me: AAAHHHHGLLLAAA—oh.

Boyfriend: Oh?

Me: I thought my coat buttons were that little girl that died on this floor.

Anyone ever experienced something that changed their mind about ghosts? The Ghost Hunters actually filmed at The Crescent, and their footage is pretty creepy. Check it out, if you're interested:

 Oh, and I do recommend staying at The Crescent, believer or not. The ghost tour was awesome.

Bistro Market Fail

I like people. You probably wouldn’t know it if you met me at a party (chances of that are already slim), because I’d be sitting in a chair, eating cheese and interacting with no one. But, generally speaking, I do like people. I think they’re fun and interesting. And most of them are nice. But sometimes, something happens and the cynic in me starts to ooze out of my pores, turning me into a misanthropic, anti-social, brooding bitch.

Usually, it happens after I’ve done something embarrassing in front of a whole bunch of people. At first, I get upset with myself for doing something humiliating, but in the end I blame the other people for being present during my public misfortune.

A few weeks ago at work, we were getting ready to entertain some clients. On my lunch break I volunteered to go pick up some Goldfish, cheese, and other miscellaneous snacks for their stay. The closest place to pick up groceries is the Bistro Market downtown. I park, pick up a half-size shopping cart (the only size available) and finish my aisle rounds. Nothing too embarrassing yet.

After I’m done paying, I start to roll out of the market with my cart full of goodies. The automatic door opens and BAM, my cart spills forward, and I tumble over it, falling into a pile of Gruyère and Aquafina.

[Stares into the market briefly, begging (with her eyes) for someone to come to her aid]

“Oh my god, oh my god.” (mumbling to the cheese)

[Gets up and tries to put everything back while the automatic door REPEATEDLY HITS THE CART]

“Stop it, stop it.” [Trying to fight off automatic door]

[Finally, an elderly man comes over to offer his assistance]

Elderly man: “Well that sucked, didn’t it?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it did. Thank you.”

[Walks back to car with cart, giving the stink eye to everyone who didn’t offer to help her] “Bunch of jerks.”

You know why no one helps people in embarrassing situations? Because they’re usually pretty damn funny to watch from the outside. In fact, the worst part about this story is that a week prior to this event, I had been sitting in the restaurant across from the Bistro Market, seen a woman fall on her back while she struggled to save her iced coffee, and tried desperately to stifle my laughter.

People are wonderful because they do hilarious things. People are awful because they sit idly by while hilarious (but unfortunate) things happen to others.