If you haven’t finished your holiday shopping yet, GO NOW.
Seriously. The mall is getting worse and worse. Better yet, just skip the mall
and save some money. Make something. Write something. Bake something for your
loved ones. I always say I’m going to do
this, but consumerism gets the best of me every year. Yeah, I’d scarf down a
boxful of cookies, but I’d still rather have
those Rocket Dog shoes.
So do as I say and not as I do. Keep the extra dough and get
inventive. No one really deserves presents
at Christmastime. You’re doing them a favor by just using up oxygen to wish
them “Happy Holidays.” Let’s brainstorm for a minute.
The Poor Girl’s Gift
Guide to the Holidays:
Siblings: The pair of socks you keep meaning to throw away
Significant Others: Your old toothbrush (they shouldn’t mind
the spit)
Parents: A phone call (but only on weekends and nights when
the minutes are free)
Grandparents: An email with some kind of attachment
(preferably not a nude photo)
Best friend: A friendship bracelet made out of the hairs you
found at the bottom of the shower
Pets: Whatever scrap of food has been clogging the garbage
disposal
Boom. I just saved you a last-minute shopping crisis and some extra cash. Happy Holidays,
people.
Sorry that was mildly disgusting.
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