The Fourth Flush

So, there’s this thing on the market. It’s called a low-flow toilet. If you can’t figure out what it is from the name, it’s basically a toilet that uses less water, and is, therefore, better for the environment. They’ve been around for a while now, and they’ve gotten significantly better since the 90s. But every once in a while, you still run into one that just . . . sucks.

Let me paint a picture for you.

[Flushes toilet]

Toilet: Fffff—

[Looks at toilet, puzzled]

Me: Really? You couldn’t even suck down a few meager squares of the cheap stuff?

Toilet: Nope.

[Decides to flush again, because nobody likes a mushy toilet paper greeting]

Toilet: Okay, fine. Ffff—

[Checks one last time]

Me: You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

Toilet: Nope, I’m not. I sucked down your toilet paper and spit up just a few disintegrated morsels. 

[Walks out of stall, refusing to waste more water]

Toilet: Ffff—

Me: A FOURTH FLUSH!? What are the people outside this door going to think!?

Toilet: I do what I want.

[Walks outside]

Everyone: Geez, Cecily. Four flushes?

You’ve got good intentions, low-flow. But if you really need to flush four times, you’re not doing your job. Anyone not had this experience?

**edit

Ahem. Someone pointed out to me today that there are actually only three flushes in this post. This is why I'm not an accountant. I'm leaving the title. I like the alliteration.